It was a challenge that reignited my passion for being an educational leader. I needed their love and appreciation along with the thrill of engaging work. It was a school that needed me and the skills I possessed. Of course it wasn’t the job I originally thought I was applying for, but it was the job I needed. Luckily, with the coaching of three amazing professional mentors who were looking out for me and the undying love and support of my husband, I applied for a new job. I had even considered retirement (which I became eligible for in January 2021). Two years of construction and district changes drained my passion. I changed my environment to find myself again. This past June, I did the most difficult thing I have ever done. While I was proud of the work we had done together, respected the educators and would have done anything for them, and adored the children with all my heart, I had to change. I left behind a school, people, and a community that I loved with all my soul. ![]() I had lost my love of words and was often happy to sit silent wasting away inside my own head. I didn’t want to become an ABD (all but dissertation) statistic, but as I met with with my dissertation chairman in tears on multiple occasions, I was worried this was becoming a reality. Even thinking about my dissertation caused extreme anxiety. Somehow I had managed to pass my qualifying exams to enter doctoral candidacy during the height of my illness, but I lost my will to write. I had lost my love of words and was happy to sit in silence wasting away inside my own head. Finding anything left to give to others (which is key in leadership) was just impossible. While my body slowly healed, I continued to feel dead inside. I was exhausted physically and emotionally. I began treating my health and showed some improvement, but later that year, I experienced a personal trauma as well as watching family endure an unimaginable tragedy. I could disappear and not feel the burden of taking care of others because I could barely take care of me. ![]() I won’t lie that when the world shut down due to the pandemic, it was a relief for me. On top of this, my nearly fifty-year-old school undergoing a massive renovation that included teams of construction workers and classrooms in temporary locations. Being this sick made every day functioning difficult, not to mention graduate work and leading a school during a pandemic.
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